#non-binary | life as an agoraphobe

Let me start by saying this is still very much a conversation and area of exploration for myself (and it really ought to be open and fluid), but I’ve been misgendered and subtly judged every time I ask people to use They, them, theirs pronouns for me that I’m writing this article to educate and make myself clear once and for all. ❤

First off, “Genderqueer (GQ) or non-binary or gender-expansive, is a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍—‌identities which are thus outside of the gender binary and cisnormativity. Genderqueer people may identify as one or more of the following:

having an overlap of, or indefinite lines between, gender identity;
having two or more genders (being bigender, trigender, or pangender);
having no gender (being agender, nongendered, genderless, genderfree or neutrois);
moving between genders or having a fluctuating gender identity (genderfluid); or
being third gender or other-gendered, a category which includes those who do not place a name to their gender.”

Thanks Wikipedia for that short and succinct way of saying gender identity is on a spectrum! So then the question remains, what is non-binary to me? To answer this question, I think back to my early childhood memories of wanting to be a boy because I noticed I liked girls and thought, “Normal girls like boys, and normal boys like girls. So, to be normal, I need to be a boy”. Later, I realized that wouldn’t fix things for me because gender and sexual orientation were two different things, and I also realized I liked all people regardless of their gender. Plus, I liked wearing skirts and dresses as much as I loved wearing boyish shorts and t-shirts so I stopped thinking about gender and ignored it as best I could. But everything from the color your toys, clothes, rooms, bedding to your preference for sports over dance or the choice of friends you made seemed to suggest otherwise. I routinely remember being force fed gender norms and expectations that never fit. One of my sisters claims I was always trying to be different from everyone else, but it wasn’t that I was trying. I just was different, and I refused to hide it.

But it wasn’t until I got to college that I gained words and bits of understanding to remedy my Otherness. Though I’d explored and came to understand my sexual orientation early on, trying to define my gender has always been difficult and a sore subject. I don’t want to be angry and hold resentment for societal pressures, misinformation, and genuinely well intended people because this can be a lot for other people to grapple with. So, I’m going to spell it out for you: I do present myself in a very feminine manner (my wardrobe consists of dresses, skirts, and two pairs of pants plus occasional lipstick), but I neither identify as woman or man. I draw from both genders but do not view myself as half this or half that or part either. I feel I’m more outside that dichotomy. I do not wish to transition to another gender or to hugely alter my wardrobe, my style, or myself (because that’s effort, money, and time I don’t have tbh). But I seek to be defined by who I am and not for who I may seem to be. So please use They, them, theirs, and don’t be a jerk! If I make you uncomfortable because I’m not cisnormative, then guess what boo boo you got some internalized shit you probably have to deal with too.

If you wanna read more, check out wikipedia (EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!!), google stuff, and ask around, and I’ve included a list of links to explore. So knock yourself out! And as always if you have any questions or comments please do not hesitate. Also I’m doing a report for my class that traces back non-binary identities in Mexico and larger Latin American history so if that’s of interest to you or you have links or people I should check out please do share!!!!!

life as an agoraphobe

Learning To Live As I Am

Tag Archives: #non-binary

Non binary, and what it means to me