For what it’s worth

I try very hard to bring positivity into my life.

I wrap it around me to keep the demons away.

My happiness and positivity are not easy or natural

But still I try.

And I rise

Above my pain, my anger, my disappointment, my disillusionment, and my fear.

But still they come.

Still they find me.

And there’s no real escape from them.

Every time I run, You somehow find me.

You‘ve been in me and still remain lodged up there somewhere.

You are the nightmare I cannot stop reliving.

You are the darkness I desperately try to burn away.

You are my deepest darkest fear. My boogieman.

You are my Hell.

But I refuse to despair.

And I refuse to boil up with anger.

I cannot change history or change you,

but I can change how I deal with what you’ve done and deal with me.

I can focus on me and love me.

I can and will heal from this,

and I hope that one day you might realize the damage and pain you’ve inflicted.

One day, I pray that you do change and heal too.

❤ life as an agoraphobe

life as an agoraphobe